In 2018, my brother was at a cross-roads. After 15 years as a business leader and senior mechanical engineer at International Harvester (IH), the company was shutting its massive Chicago site.
Luther has a platinum work ethic. He loves working hard and solving problems. At IH, he progressed steadily up the chain of command. At it's peak, he was managing 4 departments, including 50 engineers and union workers.
After announcing their plans, management invited him to join the leadership team guiding the scale-down. He said yes, but it was bittersweet. Luther had nurtured growth in his team and himself. Now he was closing a chapter in the company's life and his own.
When we're confronted by unexpected change, it's human nature to ask: Why?
Why this? Why now? Why...me?
We want to make sense of our world. This is especially true when we're confronted by shifts that are unsettling or scary. Our brain wants answers. But asking “Why?” is limiting. It keeps us ruminating and focused in the past.
When facing change, there's a far more empowering question we can ask ourselves, instead.
Ask Yourself: What...?
If you're facing change--whether planned or unexpected--a better question to ask yourself is: What...?
What do I want now?
What’s important to me?
What would be meaningful?
What do I want in this next season, chapter, decade of my life?
What have I denied myself that I'd regret not attempting?
For my brother, "what do I love doing?" produced a powerful set of realizations.
He loved problem-solving and engineering solutions in his garden, on mechanical projects and home renovation efforts. Working with his hands was important and being outdoors fueled him, too. But how to combine them? Could he?
When a 150-year-old farmstead went up for sale in our hometown, he leaped at the chance to rebuild it and expand upon our family's community-sponsored agriculture business. Was it a simple shift? No. Was it without risk? Hardly. But because he asked an empowering question, he was able to see an alternative path and one that combined a range of his talents and interests.
They now have a growing clientele that includes corporate and community customers who value organic, free-range meat and vegetables. It's sweaty and hard, ongoing work, but Luther finds it deeply fulfilling. He's having the time of his life.
Beyond opening us up to alternative paths and perspectives, asking "What?" is an important shift for other key reasons.
You Take Back Control
When we live in the Land of Why, we’re surrendering our personal power. We may be looking for a villain, someone to pin with responsibility for this painful change or perhaps we want sympathy. That’s fine for a little. But when that day's sun has set, it's time to move forward.
When we ask “What do I want?” we’re flexing the agency we each possess over our lives.
We’re climbing back into the driver’s seat and perusing the map. It’s empowering. It’s inspiring and it's a practice we all can harness.
Engages Your Brain Differently
Rumination, the act of focusing your attention on negative feelings and the perceived causes and possible outcomes of these feelings, has been linked to depression. It's also associated with low moods and a tendency to dwell on other negative memories or painful losses in our past. This may be unintentional, but can seriously hinder our ability to respond productively to present circumstances.
In fact, research suggests that rumination hampers executive control or our ability to focus and address unexpected challenges with thoughtful or creative solutions. So dwelling heavily on "the why" is not only painful. It stymies our ability to consider alternative possibilities.
By contrast, asking "What else is possible?" is a creative question that opens our minds to new thoughts and ideas. Research into creative thinking shows that it engages many different networks within the brain, including executive control. Just by posing this question, we draw our focus to solutions and opportunities.
"Houston, We've had a Problem"
One dramatic point in U.S. history that exemplifies the power of asking "What else is possible?" was the effort to safely return Apollo 13 to earth. It was 1970 and Apollo 13 was only the 3rd U.S. spacecraft launched with astronauts aboard. On day two, the flight team discovered an explosion had destroyed key equipment. The astronauts were traveling 2,000 miles/hr away from the earth and lacked the oxygen and fuel to return. As the team at Mission Control diagnosed the full extent of the problem, fears mounted. The likelihood of a positive outcome was very slim.
Had Flight Director Eugene Krantz and his team focused only the mounting obstacles they likely wouldn’t have come up with the novel solutions they did. Krantz emphasized the need for a "positive frame of mind" in order to "work problems in a time-critical" manner. His approach was sage. Every astronaut returned home alive.
To read more about the mission to bring Apollo 13 home, check out Michael Useem's book The Leadership Moment.
Proactive not Reactive
Focusing on “What else is possible?” is an expansive exercise. We’re looking outwardly and thinking creatively with a positive frame of mind.
When we have a good grasp of “What else is intriguing to me?" or "What would I love to be doing?" we’re also in an excellent place to plan and set goals. These can be exploratory steps that help us gather the evidence and resources we need to make educated choices.
Consider:
What do you want to explore?
What resources or connections could help?
What do you need to learn to make a choice? To take meaningful action?
We’re living and making decisions with an eye to the future and being proactive in mapping out and co-creating our lives.
It Magnetizes and Attracts
We all have the friend who doesn’t just live in the Land of Why, she’s built a multi-story condominium and is renting out units. Some loved ones simply prefer the Land of Why. It’s uncomplicated. It feels safe.
Meanwhile, those asking “What else is possible...?” are building internal excitement. When we have a new direction we’re enthusiastic and passionate about, we’re radiant. And others can be drawn to us. I’ve seen it happen in my life and in the lives of my clients. There’s nothing more persuasive than authentic enthusiasm.
While working at UCLA, I happened upon a lunchtime talk by a professor in the theater department that captivated me. They were using dance, music, and the arts to educate teens about health. It lit me up because it aligned with several passion areas of mine at the time. I leaned on that enthusiasm and after a few conversations with the director and team, was invited to be a research contributor and partner.
When you know what you want, you can draw influential others into your orbit. Defining what you want is the first step.
If you're at a cross-roads and facing change, allow yourself time to grieve and then turn your focus to expansive thoughts. Do your best not to dwell and ruminate. Shelve the questions of "Why...?" and own your agency. Ask "What...?" You may be surprised by what follows!
Comentários