Confidence. Who comes to mind?
Michelle Obama. Jane Goodall. George Clooney. Ali Wong.
When we see them on camera, they’re poised. Confident. Their unflappable presence could lead us to believe they’re always so.
Science suggests otherwise.
We all have skills and abilities we feel confident practicing. But how long have you been in this industry? Speaking about your area of expertise? Serving in this leadership role?
You’re operating in a “comfort zone.” Stretching outside of it takes courage.
George Clooney may be quite confident in a press interview, but likely less so practicing goat yoga for the first time!
We encounter this in our lives whenever we attempt something new.
Taking a pottery class
Speaking a new language
Trying on public speaking.
We’re usually terrible the first time.
The mug can barely hold liquid.
Locals point you to the toilet instead of the train station.
The audience turns to their phones.
You can feel like a failure. Your forehead branded with an L. It can feel so awful you wonder – Why do THIS again?!
But this messy, awkward, embarrassing place IS where confidence lives. Between all the mistakes and missteps, it’s sprouting.
The problem is we give up too early. We decide – “Oh well! I guess I’m not meant to be good at THAT.”
Here’s the truth:
Confidence isn’t the driver of action. It’s the RESULT.
I encounter this in my practice almost daily. Clients who arrive muddled and unclear or stuck and stagnant. Some have taken steps toward change and then reversed course.
Together we build clarity and identify paths that spark their excitement. And then they’re challenged to take new action.
This is when resistance springs forward like a tiger that had been coiled in a dark corner.
“I can’t do that. I’ve never…”
“I don’t feel ready.”
“I’m not confident.”
Taking new and uncertain actions can be especially daunting for high achievers and perfectionists. Academics, educators, those of us who LOVE learning will read and “research” for hours HOW to do something. We want to do it well the first time.
But to take the action requires fortifying your desire to DO the thing. Not learning more about it.
So we stockpile evidence that they CAN take the uncomfortable step. That they can follow-through. That they already have what it takes to …
Advocate for a raise and or new role.
Network in a new industry.
Interview for a stretch opportunity.
Launch a business.
Start anew.
Because alone, we can be masters at talking ourselves out of doing the new and uncomfortable. The stakes can feel too high.
And life delivers us so many distractions that “I don’t have time” may well be the greatest default excuse of this century.
But embracing growth and new seasons requires new action. It calls for courage and a willingness to be uncomfortable. To be okay with imperfect starts.
Those confident people? They weren’t always poised. They flexed courage FIRST. They were brave FIRST. They made missteps and kept coming back.
Confidence was their reward.
It can be yours, too.
Reach back to learn more.
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