Heal the Burn(out): What you need to know to feel better now

Whoa, baby. These are some hard, hard, hard days.

In California, the weather’s fine, but I’m feeling the pinch. Too much work. Not enough rest. Aching for a change of scene, but the whole state has been under lockdown. Our ICUs are as jammed as the Dolby Theater on Oscar Day. No Bueno.

We may be resilient as a species yet, dealing with life in “the now” can feel impossibly heavy. Migrating from the bed to the Keurig in the morning takes Olympian strength. Are we simply drained or have we slipped into a more dangerous, toxic state?

Stress: A Rainbow of Responses

The stress-response is a complex process of changes our bodies undergo to boost our chances of survival when facing a concrete threat (a charging grizzly) or an anticipated threat (a thug lurking on the subway platform). It’s marked by an uptick in cortisol, adrenaline and other hormones, an elevated heart rate, shallow breathing and temporary, intensified focus--all for the purpose of prepping you to evade or fight off the threat.

Other body functions—digestion, reproductive and interestingly, critical thinking – are slowed in the moment of fight or flight to allow our energy and focus to be purely dedicated to survival.

When the threat passes—we outrun the bear, the thug decides we’re not worth the bother—our bodies recalibrate and return to a "resting" state. Our heart rate returns to normal, our breathing slows, our blood pressure drops. We relax.

However, when stress becomes chronic and we’re living in an elevated, aroused state for days or weeks rather than minutes or hours, this is not healthy. Research into chronic stress (first explored in pediatrics as ACEs or Adverse Childhood Experiences) has revealed how seriously it taxes our bodies and can damage our health.

Chronic stress even impacts our brains. Over time, chronic stress:

· Causes the hippocampus to shrink, leading to memory processing and problem-solving issues, difficulty focusing and maintaining drive.

· Directs our brain to focus on other possible (if unlikely) threats around us. This results in greater attention paid to negative events and outcomes. We literally see signs of loss and fear more readily.

· Can fuel depression, obsessive worrying, anger and a sense of hopelessness and overwhelm.

Calling It Out

Are you feeling angry or frustrated more often with loved ones? Sharp responses come easily. Formerly minor irritants seem to shred your nerves and send you spinning.

Are you procrastinating on critical tasks? Waiting to pay bills, delaying following-up with that difficult coworker or putting an important work project off to the side? Stress may be hindering your ability to follow-through.

How’s the internal dialogue? Is your inner critic getting salty? Research shows that stress can affect how we speak to ourselves. We may encounter more self-doubt and feel regret more often about decision-making. We’re harder on ourselves at a time when we’re already taxed.

How’s your skin? Your digestion? Discover a sudden outcropping of adult-onset acne? Long-term stress can produce a myriad of unpleasant body changes—skin breakouts or rashes, hair loss, digestive discomfort (diarrhea or constipation), random pains and aches, the cold or flu. Your immune system is compromised under stress and less able to protect you.

If you’re encountering these signs and symptoms and a long weekend of rest hasn’t helped, you may have entered the burnout zone.

Burnout: Yes it CAN Get Worse

Burnout is deep exhaustion. You’re emotionally, mentally and physically drained and resting for a few extra days doesn’t adjust your overall attitude. That feisty internal voice? It’s getting audible. Cynicism, irritability, and judgment of others around you becomes even stronger. You feel like your life is not your own. You dread starting work, getting out of bed, and dealing with others, including those you love.

Most importantly (and urgently), burnout is characterized by a feeling that’s persistent. Your outlook has dimmed and the suffering appears never ending. The burden feels permanent.

Burnout can result from unresolved, long-term work challenges (like an unrealistic project load that isn’t shifting), long-term caretaking obligations, or from job or financial insecurity, as during periods of lengthy unemployment.

Heal the Burn

Although it can feel like this state of elevated stress is the “new normal” and that solutions to addressing it are insufficient or mere band-aids, there are steps we can take to reduce stress and treat burnout.

1. Set boundaries and ask for help. Taking these steps can alleviate some of the pressure you're feeling carrying this burden on your own. Need ideas?

· Not all Zoom calls, team meetings and assignments are essential. Apply a critical eye to your

work obligations. What routine meetings can you drop (or take a pass on for a few weeks)? Are

there any that could be made bi-weekly or replaced by email updates?

· Drop the people pleasing. PLEASE. You are valuable and liked just as you are. Care for yourself

as you would a dear friend and prioritize YOUR needs. You're worth it.

· Got a draining team member? High-drama or unreliable? Take steps to insulate yourself and

create barriers for relief. Make it clear by email that you’re unavailable except at select times

(from 3-3:30 on Thursday or 4pm on Fri) or only accessible by email. Not everyone is owed an

audience with you. Take back control of your schedule. Ask for additional support if you’re

paired with someone who’s often AWOL or never follows through.

· What deliverables are you juggling? Which have a long lead time? Who else on the team could

help? Delegate and cut back from spending time on anything that’s not imminently due.

· Let colleagues and your supervisor know what you can and can’t do (work weekends, take calls

after 5, work through lunch). Emphasize this is a health matter. It is.

2. Practice self-compassion and self-forgiveness if/when you “miss the mark”. We’re often the worst to ourselves. Experiment with reducing your own expectations and make room for a little grace. So you’re not the perfect parent, award-winning caregiver or employee of the year--let it go. Remind yourself “I’m doing my best.” You are.

Other strategies:

· Move your body. It’s amazing what a brief walk outside can do for mood, energy and perspective.

· Get more rest. Wind down for bedtime earlier, skip the wine and add a nap to your afternoon.

· Create a morning and bedtime routine. Do a few stretches, ditch the screens, reflect/pray/meditate or listen to relaxing music for 15 minutes.

· Nourish yourself. Don’t skip meals. Take a multi-vitamin. Junk food may feel good in the moment, but it won’t sustain you for the days ahead. Fuel up with healthy choices.

· Reduce sugar, alcohol and caffeine. I know, it’s hard. You’ll get a clearer view of your true level of exhaustion when you're not leaning heavily on stimulants to keep rolling (or alcohol to slow down). Plus, you'll sleep deeper when it’s time to rest.

· Fit in creative play time. Pull out that knitting project, invest in some paints or clay, dig out board games, coloring books or puzzles and unwind without a screen. Streaming is mindless but not as restorative as you might think.

Want more? Check out my recent podcast visit with Coach Kelly Mobeck. We talk all things self-care and share more ideas for you to sample and test. Here’s the link: "Let's Be Honest Before We Start Pretending."

Next week, we dive into Brain and Body Boosters, practices we can use to build resilience and improve mood.

In the meantime, take care of YOU!

Resources

For more on the stress-response check out Richard Sapolsky’s amusing book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers. Written with a light tone, Sapolsky provides a detailed tour of how our bodies react under duress. An informative and very thorough read.