I was home picking through my mail when a sharp voice pierced the air.
“Drop the gun. I said, drop the gun!”
I froze. Every nerve at attention. I leaned toward an open window.
Silence. A distant leaf blower powered up.
“DROP. THE. GUN!!”
My heart surged against my ribcage. In my mind's eye I could see a thick-necked tough guy on the threshold of my neighbor’s home, pistol in hand. Justin had moved in two months earlier. He didn’t seem like someone with underworld ties, but ... can you really tell?
Our brains are analytic powerhouses. Constantly collecting input and assigning meaning to data we see, hear, feel. Part of its role is keeping us safe. And as our modern world accelerates, we’re interpreting images, content, and communications at an intensified speed.
The danger in this? It can lead us to discount other interpretations.
We stop looking for other input in favor of taking action on what’s in-hand. Thanks to cognitive bias, we tend to spend more time focused on and giving attention to negative interpretations.
We interpret a friend’s delayed text as they’re upset with us.
We judge a supervisor’s distracted answer.
We’re hurt by a neighbor’s unreciprocated “hello.”
These may seem minor, but they can color our day and drive how we respond. We may act on a fiction we interpret as a fact.
In LA, we’re continually reminded of fiction’s power to deceive. It’s the specialty of Hollywood: Creating imaginary worlds so lifelike they’re seem real. You can not only see it, but feel it.
I was genuinely startled the morning I crossed paths with my neighbor Barney, a special effects artist. In one hand he carried a coffee and car keys. In the other, he held a snarling, gap-toothed head. He was carrying it like a football. My shocked reaction WAS real. It was the kind of head you’d avoid had it been attached to a body.
While we shared a good laugh, misinterpreting data in our day-to-day lives can have real and lasting impacts. We can make up scripts that limit our choices, restrict our growth or worse, narrow our thinking of what’s really possible.
These scripts can sound like:
I can’t…
They can’t…
I don’t have what it takes to…
It’s too late for…
WE can be the biggest obstacles to living lives we most desire. And that’s more distressing than any Hollywood tragedy.
Pay Raises: Fact or Fiction?
When Olivia reached out it was with exciting news. She had been offered a role in a new department, complete with title change, an expanded team and a fancy new office.
The only sticking point was compensation.
A decade earlier, she’d made the cardinal mistake of accepting her employer’s initial offer. This meant merit increases were modest. But this was a new day. Had she countered?
“No. They said, this is what they’re offering new researchers.”
What do you want? She paused and then named a number.
“I can’t ask for that…can I?”
Interrupt the Script
Whether its responding to a job offer, negotiating duties with a tough colleague or handling a prickly supervisor, take a moment to interrupt your script. Resist moving forward with your first interpretation. Instead:
1. Pause. Use deep breathing or take a brief walk. Create inner calm.
2. Identify: What’s actually known? A true fact? What’s a feeling?
3. Explore: What isn’t known? What could be possible? (Get expansive here!)
4. Courageous Action: Schedule the call; request the meeting; ask the hard question.
If you struggle with 2 or 3, call on a trusted friend, mentor or coach to help.
New Strategy = New Script
After taking a moment to get grounded, Olivia and I took stock in the facts and what she was internally feeling.
Fact: We knew what salary was offered to incoming professionals.
Fact: She was a seasoned professional. Not new to the organization or unproven.
Fact: Her performance was exemplary. She had a track record of providing value to her organization
Feeling: She felt anxious about pushing back.
Feeling: She felt nervous and scared about how a counter offer might be received.
Then we identified what was unknown and played with possibilities.
We didn’t know their budget for the new department.
Was it possible they could afford more?
Was it possible her counter offer was achievable?
Was it possible they could afford even more?
Finally, we strategized and planned next steps.
We researched salary data and compiled evidence of her impact, achievements and recent wins.
We discussed how Olivia most wanted to grow.
We practiced a mock negotiation.
Olivia contacted her prospective supervisor to follow-up
A week later, an exuberant Olivia called with an update. “It was hard, I was really nervous, but I asked for what we discussed and shared evidence of my impact. They took a few days to review…”
“I got it! They agreed!” Her voice was radiant. She had challenged her old script, flexed her courage and was rewarded for it.
Asking hard questions, advocating for what we desire or negotiating can stretch us in uncomfortable ways. Yet, it’s only by doing so that we learn what IS actually possible.
Fiction in Real Life
As for the gangster next door, I had the LAPD cued up on my cell when another voice was audible. “That was good. It’s almost there…this time really feel it.”
Justin was practicing for an audition. Like so many creatives, he’s talented at making the imaginary seem real. I exhaled and returned to my day.
What everyday scripts are distracting you from seeing what’s possible? What judgments, assumptions, or rejections deserve a second look? An opportunity to explore with courage?
Don’t leave them unexamined.
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