Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
–Helen Keller
Some adventure, eh? We’re now bathing in hand sanitizer, masks are a mandatory accessory and socializing requires a screen or six foot radius of open air. Yes, life feels a wee bit out of control.
For the record, I’d like a refund on 2020. This ride is not at all what I expected.
We’re living in universally turbulent times. No one has been untouched by the conflicts and threats we’re all facing. The “new normal” is pretty uncomfortable because it challenges our perceptions of control. And we loooove believing we have control.
When was the last time you encountered a friend or acquaintance who had some bad news? They received an unfortunate diagnosis, were robbed or got in a car accident? After expressing shock and sympathy, where did the conversation go from there? Did you ask them about the circumstances of the situation? Family history of disease, what neighborhood they live in or where they were driving and what time of day when they got hit?
It’s human nature to probe for details and not just to make conversation.
We create frames to explain the distressing event that has occurred. We want to make sense of these tragedies. Otherwise known in Psychology as compensatory strategies. Internally, we seek to reassure ourselves that we can avoid getting sick, losing property, damaging our car. It’s an unconscious response and an attempt to re-establish a sense of control over our lives and our well-being.
But in reality, control is a myth.
Stock markets go bust, marathoners die of sudden heart attacks, pandemics upend how we live. Control is a myth and it always has been. We’ve just constructed a world that makes it seem like everything can be managed. Catastrophe avoided.
That doesn’t stop news reporters from tracking down the victim who declares so seriously: “I never thought it would happen to me.” We never do, darling. We think we have control.
What if rather than working so hard to believe we have control, we made peace with uncertainty?
What if we embraced the adventure?
I know. That can be asking a lot. We’re not all Alex Honnold—the (literally) fearless climber who summited Yosemite’s Half Dome without cables or a harness. His brain is factually different. He isn’t aroused by fear like the rest of us. He’s exceptional.
But we can change our brains. And if we make peace with our lack of control, we can more easily relish this amazing ride called life. It’s why the terminally ill can be so calm given crushing circumstances. They’ve accepted their lack of control and reached a point of peace.
You don’t need to be on death’s doorstep to make peace with uncertainty. Try contemplation, meditation.
Many researchers are studying the effects of meditation and have found it can actually rewire the brain. Personally, I only need look at the Dalai Lama to be a believer. That man lost his country. He’s effectively a refugee. Yet he’s still so joyful. In nearly every picture I see of him, he’s smiling and laughing. Here’s someone who has definitely made peace with uncertainty and embraced the adventure.
Start small. Just 5 minutes a day. Listen to music or a guided meditation. Sit somewhere quiet where you won’t be interrupted.
If you’ve already enrolled in the adventure or taking baby steps towards it, share your comments below. Wherever you are on the journey, we’d love to hear from you!
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