We’re in an illuminated time of year. Earlier this month the Festival of Light had Menorahs twinkling all around my Los Feliz community. White lights also abound in preparation for the Christmas holiday. They seem especially visible this year, encircling trees, embelishing rooftops and lacing through greenery. It’s a beautiful and inspiring season of hope and possibility.
It’s wonderful to see these radiant signs of holiday spirit. While we’re not living in lockdown, uncertainty still abounds. We’re navigating a tumultuous period: New variants, supply chain challenges, resignations, fluctuating travel restrictions. Much of what makes this season so festive—being with family and friends, celebrating in community, exchanging gifts—may need to be redefined, again, this year.
Yet, the core messages embodied by Hanukkah and Chrismas remain deeply relevant. Both celebrate the power of sustaining faith and hope even when we’re in darkness. Even when the lights are out and it feels like possibilities are narrowing, what we SEE is only part of the story. Change and miracles are always possible. There IS reason for optimism.
Great gifts and rewards often follow periods of struggle. I can testify! Can you?
It’s a message that’s especially important for my clients and others in career transition. Those seeking new work chapters are often doing so to move out of darkness—away from the frustration of a current position, a toxic work environment or a draining, unrewarding work life—and into a chapter of greater confidence, opportunity and ease.
To embark on this journey takes optimism and a fair amount of faith because change happens in its own time. Rarely does it happen on our abbreviated schedule. Trust me, I’ve tried. There have been seasons of my life when no amount of hustle, sweat or struggle has expedited my soft landing on the other side of a transition. I just had to breathe, keep my eyes on the horizon and faith in my heart.
And the act of switching roles or industries—eek!—takes courage! We may decide to take a leap and yet the path to that new place can still be unsettling and rife with moments of second-guessing and self-doubt. It’s not unusual to struggle with questions like where will I end up? (Somewhere amazing!) Will this change be worth it? (YES!) Am I better off staying in a painful environment I already know? (Rarely ever.) What if I don’t measure up? (You 1000% will.)
If we’re not careful, we can find ourselves thinking that a better place doesn’t exist merely because we haven’t seen it yet.
Pish posh!
Career transitions are like long-distance trips. We’re globe trotters en-route—you map out your plan, pull together your gear, drag that barely-a-carry-on through security, and belt in for the ride to Bali or Bermuda or Buffalo. We do the hard work knowing tomorrow we’ll have our toes in white sand or snow boots.
We’re not navigating the airport chaos thinking “THIS is the best this trip is gonna get!” Hell no. If so, who would leave the house?!
How do we maintain ever-important hope and optimism when we feel stuck circling in the slow lane? Inching through the darkness? Because how we show up IS important. Where we invest our energy IS a factor in the outcomes we create.
#1: Align your efforts with your values
When we focus our energies on career aims—or any activities for that matter—that align with our values, satisfaction and success are assured. We WILL persist and emerge from the darkness to realize great rewards. Why? Because we are putting our energies into projects, people and goals that reflect who we are and what we believe in. They bring meaning to the labor we’re investing.
Values fuel us more than income, status or other external trappings of success. Viktor Frankl, the holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning actually believed that people who lack meaning in their lives are those most tempted to seek out satisfaction in superficial, momentary pleasures.
Know retail therapy? In a past life, I was a big fan. Yet, research shows that the pleasure we derive from purchasing objects is fleeting. Whereas pouring our energies into activities that align with our values is rewarding and for a longer duration.
Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist, has devoted much of his research to explaining how motivation and meaning are related. In his book Give and Take, he maintains that serving others—a value that overlaps with the values of Contribution and Generosity—is not only rewarding but deeply motivating.
A misalignment between our values and worklife often becomes more clear at midlife. I’ve got the sexy car, beautiful home and money in the bank, but something’s missing. That something is nearly always deeper meaning in life or fulfillment. How do you find it? This isn’t something Santa can deliver. Fulfillment results from efforts in which your purpose and strengths are harnessed and values align.
#2: Use your values to assess where you are
New Hermès bag: $2000. Values: Priceless.
When we have clarity and know our values, decisionmaking also becomes easier. We understand why some facets of our lives are rife with frustration or internal tension. When our investment of time, energy or expertise is being expended in ways that don’t align with our values we FEEL it.
When I worked in government, my value of Innovation was constantly challenged by red tape. And I was not shy about trying novel ways to practice it!
Had I better understood the culture and values of government, I might’ve negotiated my role differently. On the flip side, knowing I value innovation is one reason I relish being a business owner—I practice innovation every day. And I know my efforts are being invested in Service to others, another value I prize.
Values are stable and do not change with shifts in your circumstance. Have a child and your value of Creativity may take a backseat to soiled nappies, but it’s sustained because it’s deeply embedded in who you are. In fact, investing time caring for that adorable little human may align beautifully with your value of Family or Adventure.
3: Uncover your top values
Family Matters
Not sure what your values are? This is a terrific time of year to gain clarity. Family are often more present during the holidays to observe, listen and attend to. Through these moments, listen for values that resonate. Although our personal palette of key values will be unique to each of us, it’s not unusual for us to share a few with our parents and siblings. We may even observe some—Connection, Gratitude, Kindness—embodied in the expressions and actions of our loved ones.
Whenever I reconnect with family, the value of Independence is one I hear in conversation and reflected in stories we share and celebrate. In my family, independence translates to self-reliance, taking responsibility for yourself and living on your terms. When my niece decided to take her remote job to Italy for a month, no one asked why. Instead, we mused at how independent she was and toasted her Adventurousness (another value).
Rewarding Moments
As the year winds down, take time to look within and consider: What moments or experiences in the past year do you look back on with pleasure? What was happening? Who was involved? What values were honored or highlighted?
Earlier this year my brother and I organized and hosted an outdoor celebration for our parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. While neither of us are “natural” event planners, we felt strongly that the milestone merited a celebration. Over the course of many weeks, we collaborated, planned invites, prepped and organized tables, tents and decorations. Our efforts produced a festive and expansive gathering of friends, family and neighbors. Witnessing this coalescing of Community, especially honoring the Commitment of my parents was deeply rewarding.
Shadow Moments
Another strategy for uncovering your values is reflecting back on encounters, conflicts or moments of discomfort when our values may have been offended or disregarded. When others ignore or worse, trample on our values we feel it internally. This can present as visceral physical discomfort or as tightness in your gut, chest or back.
Consider what was unfolding and what about the experience angered or frustrated you. Did a friend or colleague dismiss your input or contribution? This may indicate values of Respect, Harmony or Fairness were offended. Were your efforts on a project or endeavor ignored or not openly appreciated? This may indicate values of Awareness or Gratitude were ignored or missing from the conversation. Did a team member do a lackluster job contributing on a joint assignment? Values such as Ambition, Empowerment or Responsibility may have been overshadowed by values of Acceptance or Fun. Our top values will not always match with those of our friends and colleagues.
Mountaintop Achievements
Another strategy that can help clarify important values is looking back at key achievements or moments of celebration. Recall a significant date in your past. What was unfolding? Were you graduating? Receiving an award from students or colleagues? Buying your first home? Being honored for a unique contribution? Embarking on an adventure?
What were the circumstances around the event? Consider--what values did you practice to reach this moment? What values were being celebrated or honored?
4: Align for the long-term
How Coaching Helps
At the heart of any effective coaching experience lies a client’s values. A coach cannot fulfill their role without having defined what is most important to their client. The equivalent would be heading out to dinner without a restaurant in mind, a smartphone, or road signs. There’s nothing guiding your movement so good luck finding your destination!
If you struggle to define your intrinsic values, enrolling a coach can help. Coaching fosters greater self-awareness and understanding. Additionally, coaches are trained to pose questions that lead to deeper cognitive processing and move beyond thinking that is guided by old perspectives, “stories” and excuses. A good coach can help you unpack and decipher the values you were taught by your family to live by and those you actually share.
Traversing career transitions is not for the faint of heart. Lengthy timelines and persistent uncertainty can drain the greatest optimist. Yet, in seasons when our hope is most challenged are seasons when our values can help us persist and forge our way to a better day.
In this season of inspiration, may you find what you are looking for and may it beam brighter than a million stars.
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